Choosing a baby name can be tricky and sometimes there’s a lot of pressure when doing so too. This name will be your child’s name for their whole life, and it’s daunting. Ask anyone who’s been a parent and they’ll agree. When I found out I was pregnant I was convinced I was expecting a boy and I had a name in mind already picked out when we were to meet him. When we found out we were having a girl, the game plan completely changed. Sam and I liked a few names but couldn’t settle on something we both liked. We discussed, researched, argued, changed our minds more times than one and didn’t have a name until the day before I was induced. Funnily enough, one of the girls who worked at Sam’s cousins hair salon, plaited my hair and we loved her name, “Emily.” The rest was history.
Choosing a name can be fun though and some parents really go all out with their quirky, different, unique or odd names. Now whatever you choose to name your child is your choice, but some parents really should get a slap for the names they give their kids. Just because it may sound cute or funny when you signed on the dotted line, remember they’re growing up with the name, not you!
Apple Martin (Gwyneth Paltrow & ColdPlay’s Chris Martin)
Paltrow explained Apple’s unusual first name on Oprah, saying: “It sounded so sweet and it conjured such a lovely picture for me – you know, apples are so sweet and they’re wholesome and it’s biblical – and I just thought it sounded so lovely and … clean! And I just thought, ‘Perfect!’.”
Bear Payne (Cheryl from Girls Aloud & Liam “1 Direction” Payne)
Someone told me the other day, that the name Bear is short for Edward. Bear Grylls is actually called Edward Michael “Bear” Grylls. “Bear” being the nickname like a teddy when he was a child, and let’s be honest, ‘Bear’ does sound better than Edward when you’re drinking your own urine and hanging off a cliff. Whilst I wouldn’t choose the name personally, I hope when Cheryl’s little one is older they’ll say his real name is actually Edward, or Eddie and shock us all, but probably not.
But it seems Bear is a popular choice for a name as Titanic star Kate Winslet , 41, called her son Bear Blaze in 2013, actress Alicia Silverstone , 40, named her lad Bear Blu in 2011, and Take That’s Howard Donald, 49, decided on Dougie Bear for his fourth child in February.
Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee)
In 2005, the My Name is Earl actor told US gossip mag, Entertainment Weekly that he and ex-fiancé Beth Riesgraf, named his son after a song on the indie rock band Grandaddy’s 2000 album ‘The Sophtware Slump.’ “The opening track, ‘He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s the Pilot,‘ absolutely blew my mind when I first heard it. It was from this track that my wife, Beth, came up with the name Pilot for our son.” And that, really, is as good a reason as any for a baby’s name. Lee went on to have three more children, Casper, Sonny and a daughter named Alberta ‘Birdy’ Lee with ex-wife Ceren Alkaç.
Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Jillette)
One half of magician duo, Penn of Penn(the big guy) and Teller, explained in 2007 how he and his wife EZ (Emily Zolten) decided on this very unusual name for their daughter. He said “I think it’s pretty cruel to give a kid a name that others are going to have. I think it’s very important to have a unique name within any group you’re likely to be in. It’s more friendly to go to school being the only “Penn” then to have to be called by your full name, “Mike Jones” or whatever. I always felt sorry for the Mikes and Bobs. There’s just so many, how do you know when they’re talking to you? I love the name Moxie, I love that’s it’s a purely American word, and those are rare, and I love that it stands for old fashioned spunk and energy. EZ pushed for her middle name, “CrimeFighter” because EZ doesn’t have a middle name and thinks middle names are stupid. So, it’s just a joke. When she gets pulled over by the police she can show her license and say, ‘We’re on the same side, officer, my middle name is CrimeFighter.”
Audio Science (Shannon Sossamon & Dallas Clayton)
Hold the front door, what the fluff? This is a joke right? Sossamon, mostly known for the movie “A knight’s Tale,” and Clayton, an author and an illustrator of children books, announced to the world they were having a boy in May 2003 and decided upon this ridiculous name. And her reasons for it, she said, “We wanted a word not a name, so my boyfriend read the dictionary. We were going to call him Science, but thought it might get shortened to Sci.”
Still doesn’t explain the Audio bit but o.k.
Blue Ivy (Beyoncé Knowles & Jay-Z)
When I first heard this was the name that Beyoncé and Jay-Z were calling their child, I did roll my eyes. There was a lot of speculation around Beyonce and Jay’z unique choice for the name of their baby girl, Blue Ivy, when she was born, but whilst many fans speculated their theories, Beyoncé posted a passage from the novel A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit to her Tumblr account. “The light that gets lost gives us the beauty of the world, so much of which is in the color blue,” the passage stated, hinting that it was the inspiration behind Blue’s name.
George Jr, George III, George IV, George V, George VI (George Foreman)
The Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine businessman with the famous tag line, “It’s so good I put my name on it!”, clearly couldn’t be arsed to think of a name for any of his five kids and named them all after him. Lazy I say.
Foreman has 12 children, five sons and seven daughters. His five sons are George Jr., George III (“Monk”), George IV (“Big Wheel”), George V (“Red”), and George VI (“Little Joey”). On his website, Foreman explains, “I named all my sons George Edward Foreman so they would always have something in common. I say to them, “If one of us goes up, then we all go up together, and if one goes down, we all go down together!”
Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Buddy Bear Maurice (Jamie & Jools Oliver)
TV chef and restaurant businessman Jamie Oliver and ex-model and author Jools, have made a name for themselves for naming their children rather bizarre names. Whilst Poppy is a lovely name, there is no need for Honey, same with the Boo to Daisy. But what’s going on with Petal Blossom Rainbow, were they high at Glasto when they conjured up that name and seriously Buddy Bear Maurice? Dear God, stop it!
But when quizzed, Jamie, 41, did the usual bloke thing and blamed his wife, saying: “Jools is in charge of baby names.”
I don’t get it, what were they trying to gain from such an odd name? Bronx isn’t cool and Mowgli, seriously? Were they trying to be cute, or what? I’m baffled. American singer Simpson split up with Fall Out Boy singer Wentz in 2011 and she went on to marry Diana Ross‘ son Evan and they had a daughter called Jaggar Snow. Maybe she was dropped on her head as a kid, can’t even explain that name either.
Memphis Eve & Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q (Bono & Alison Hewson)
Memphis Eve sounds like a strip club and Guggi Q, sounds like the perfect name for a knockoff Gucci bag. We’re they high when they thought up these names? Probably. If you knocked off the Memphis, Eve is a lovely name, same as Elijah, the rest just seems almost made up!
Fuchsia Catherine (Sting & Frances Tumulty)
Depending on how you see or like to pronounce the name, no child should have a name where the first four letters resemble the hobbies of their parents. But if you look past that, the name isn’t too bad as it’s actually a genus of flowering plants that consists mostly of shrubs or small trees, but maybe being Sting, change the spelling a little. Or heck, forget the whole Fuchsia name completely and just be normal and stick to the name Catherine instead.
Zuma Nesta Rock (Gwen Stefani)
People can call their kids what they want, but officially on their birth certificate let your child have a proper name so they can grow up and not have the absolute fudging piss taken out of them. Gwen Stefani, as much as I love your songs and your fashion sense, what on earth were you thinking to make your son sound like a brand name for a backpack.
Not only is Gwen mum to Zuma (8), she is also mother to Kingston James (10) and Apollo (3).
Rocket Zot Worthington (Sam Worthington &a Lara Bingle)
Australian actor Sam Worthington, best known for 2009 film Avatar; Terminator Salvation; and Clash of the Titans and Australian model Lara Bingle couldn’t wait to throw their weird ass name into the history of well, weird names and named their son Rocket Zot, because apparently they liked the name Rocket and Zot is said to be a nickname of the actor’s father Ronald.
Kyd Duchovny (Téa Leoni & David Duchovny)
X-Files actor Duchovny and ex-wife actress Téa Leoni clearly were lazy in naming their second child with the really uninspirational name “Kyd.” Now 14, the teenager goes by his middle name Miller. Poor kid.
Zowie Bowie ( David Bowie)
Zowie, now known as Duncan was famously called Zowie by his famous singer and actor father, when he was born in 1971. But, not surprisingly, by the time he was 12, he called himself Joe and at 18, he opted for the delightfully normal name of “Duncan,” which he’s kept and stuck with. His full name is Duncan Jones, using his late dad’s real surname.
Bluebell Madonna (Geri Horner)
When Ginger Spice gave birth to a little girl she decided nature would be her inspiration for choosing the right name and went with Bluebell Madonna. She recalled: “As I walked around the park in the last few weeks of pregnancy, I seemed to see bluebells everywhere. It’s a precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter.”
Kal-El Cage (Nicolás Cage)
Hollywood actor Nicolás Cage is a huge comic fan (who knew?!) and even changed his famous surname Coppola to Cage in honour of the Marvel character Luke Cage. When his wife Alice Kim gave birth to their son in 2005, he paid tribute to another superhero. The 53-year-old said: “I remembered Superman comics and Kal-El was his original name on Krypton. So I wanted a name that stood for something good, was unique and American — it has all three.”
Moon Unit (Frank Zappa)
Frank Zappa, the American musician, activist and filmmaker had four children, three of whom with odd names, but Moon has got to be the weirdest. Don’t get me wrong, I love the name Moon, it is my surname after all, but it’s that, my surname and not my first, but to have the name or word Unit added to it, just seems damn right bizarre! Moon Unit, now an actress, has three younger siblings, Dweezil, a rock guitarist, Ahmet, a musician and writer, and Diva, an artist.
Tu Simone Ayer (Rob Morrow & Debbon Ayer)
Was Rob Morrow trying to be funny when he and wife Devon Ayer chose the name Tu? You know Tu Morrow?
Pirate (Jonathan & Devon Davis)
Right, well this is just mean.
Any names I’ve missed or you’d like to add? Drop me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll add them to the list.