Dear childless friends…

This is a shoutout to all the single friends out there, not a particular individual but the masses, I think you should read and understand. It’s not a personal thing, or maybe it is, I don’t know, but I think this should be heard and all in good reason. 

They say after pregnancy making friends is easier but it’s not the truth in the first few months. A lot of your friends from your previous life, leave, it’s unfortunate but it’s true, so most of the time unless you have a solid unit that don’t leave you, you spend a lot of time on your own. It’s a fact. I don’t know what happens, maybe it’s something in the air, the food that we eat or the fact a small person has stepped on your tippy toes, but as soon as a woman becomes pregnant or goes as far as becoming a mother, some ‘friends‘ stop being that, a friend and there’s no explanation for it. Why? Why is that? What has happened between us that’s made you decide that your life is now more important than what we had all those years? I think I can speak for the many pregnant-to-be and new mum’s out there, who are simply gobsmacked that their so-called friends can just desert them like a drop of a hat for no reason whatsoever. Mum’s as far as Canada, Australia and the eye can see, have felt the curse of friendship woes when pregnancy or motherhood steps in and it’s baffling and we just want to know why.

When you hear our news you show excitement, happiness, support and promise to be there, then silence as soon as our little one shows face. Understandably the next few years our time will include a little person but what you think might be ‘giving your pregnant friend ‘space‘ is actually in many terms considered as abandonment. You don’t need to give us space and stop texting, calling, emailing, you should just carry on being that friend that you were and not a distant memory. Granted you may not speak baby and feel that you don’t fit into our new lives anymore, but little has changed past dirty nnappies, spilt milk and cheeky smiles.

Having children can be a testing time for friends, it’s different, we get it, but we’re still us. We haven’t changed. Nothing has changed apart from the fact we can’t annoyingly get into our skinny jeans anymore, go on the town every Friday night, shake our booties to Justin or grab a bite to eat at a drop of a hat because our baby comes first.

What you must know:

  • We haven’t abandoned you
  • Girls night outs can still be girls nights out, you’ve just gotta wait a few months till we’re happy to leave our babies with our partners for a few hours
  • What’s wrong with a girls nights in?
  • A baby is a daunting experience, we’ve been shitting it whilst pregnant of how this will affect our lives, but it’s not all bad once you get past the poo, sick and endless screaming
  • We need meet-ups to keep us sane
  • Tea and cake is needed every week, sometimes a glass of wine (if not breastfeeding)
  • You have a new pal who’ll always look up to you (think of the kind of influence you could have with your new buddy!)

Above all else, we’re still us, just with bigger boobs, an inflated tummy, darker circles under our eyes and sometimes smell like regurgitated milk. We haven’t changed and don’t think our friendships should do either. It’s amazing that friendship groups get incredibly smaller, texts stop, calls tend to too, all communication ceases to exist and it’s mean. Really mean. After pregnancy our confidence drops and it’s difficult to make friends. Ok, so we’re luckier that apps exist but do you remember what it’s like to make friends when you were a kid and you know no one? It’s just like that, except this time, you’re either hidden behind a computer screen or have our babies strapped to us as we nervously walk into a group with lots of other yummy mummies. That’s terrifying.

So friends of pregnant or new mums, don’t distant yourselves. We all could do with our friends in life. We’ve been there for you when that shit of an ex treated you like crap, or to hold your hair up, or give you advice when a moment felt like your life was over, so be there for us, when we need you.

Thanks for listening, I really needed that rant.

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