Ever since Emily was born, sleeping changed for me. Instead of the usual get back into a sort of routine, like most, I’ve struggled to sleep a proper night through, mainly because I wake up roughly the same time every night, panicking that Emily isn’t breathing. Any mother knows that feeling. When it’s just silence that fills the air, not even a sniffle or a snort of a snore from your partner, just silence and it’s terrifying. Even with Emily’s cot on my side of the bed, pushed right up close to my head, I still freak out sometimes that I can’t hear her so I lie awake, staring at her, hovering my hand gently over her chest to make sure she is still breathing. And of course, my panic, as usual, is not needed. She’s fine. It’s just, as usual, my overactive mind.
And now that summer is here, my overactive mind mixed in with the heat, is doing wonders with my sleep pattern, as I lie awake, whilst Sam snores softly to my side and Emily sucking softly on her dummy at 10.30pm on a Wednesday evening. I should, like usual, be knee deep in la la land, getting ready for my midnight wake up call to feed Emily (in the heat she’s been waking up earlier for a feed) and then scanning the Daily Mail app for any interesting article I can read that doesn’t end with the headline words “terrorist.” It’s 25.9 in our room, its mighty warm, but thankfully cooler than it has been the past few nights, where the heat felt like a thick fog.
I’d love to just fall asleep but my body and mind just won’t give into it. The heat is a nightmare, but it can also be a worry as to whether Emily is warm or cool enough in this heat. I need to switch off, possibly from technology, but hopefully, it cools down over the next few days and sleep can come to me more easily, but we’ll see.