I secretly like it being the two of us 

Sam, I love you, please don’t take offence but when you’re at work I do like it being just the two of us; Emily and I. I know, I know, that’s a terrible thing to write when you’re the father of my child and my boyfriend but I like the routine Emily and I have, the naps we take, the stare competitions we have with each other, my endless tries to make her laugh and get a big smile instead, our little walks, our routine. We’ve got it in the bag us two and it’s all sorts of awesome. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when I want 5 minutes by myself to go to the loo without two of the most adorable eyes staring at me or have the million dollar formula  to stop her crying and soothe her discomfort and it has, has to be noted as awesome as it is being a stay-at-home mum, it’s really hard work and I’m only 10 weeks in and I might honestly change my mind in 2 minutes, 2 weeks or 2 years. And breathe. The thing is our little set up is all kinds of wonderful. We have our routine in place from morning, noon to night. 

There are downsides to us being well, us, though. She wants me a lot, so when I do want 5 minutes to myself unless I’m at a driving lesson or been ordered to take a nap upstairs, Emily wants her mummy. All the time. It’s this stage the HV said. It’s normal that she wants cuddles a lot, or that she wants to nuzzle into my chest, or when she cries mummy picks her up and soothes her. Sometimes I just want her to nap so I can do things but emily is a nosey baby, she wants to know what’s going on, whether that be people or what’s on TV. She puts me in a worry 24/7 and I barely sleep thinking about whether she’s sleeping ok or if I’m doing enough for her to learn during the day. 

I know Sam works extremely hard and without his hardworking bucks, we wouldn’t have a roof over our heads, and the roles would probably be swapped if I earned more but whichever way, looking after Emily is rewarding. She has so much of her daddy in her that I see everyday. 

It’s crazy to think 10 weeks ago today she was coming into the world and 6 months ago she was kicking away showing who’s boss in my tummy. Time is flying by, maybe a little too quickly for my liking and soon she’ll be crawling, talking, walking and wanting to go to football with her daddy. I don’t know if I’m prepared for her to get big. She’s my tiny baby. It’s flying by too quickly. I’m not sure if I like it. 

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