19 days ago I became a mother. 19 days ago I sat in a hospital beaming with pride at the gorgeous little cherub that we brought into the world. We created her and she’s simply divine. That day I didn’t care what I looked like, I mean I had pooped in front of my midwife, a few yards away from my mum and Sam, I had thrown up in front of Sam and a couple I never met before in my life and had bathed naked then changed with a door wide open with little care when contractions were just a little too much. There was also 6 or 7 people of the midwifery team all staring and huddled round my nether region using forceps to help deliver Emily into this world. All those moments I didn’t care what I looked like, didn’t care if I had shaved properly or looked decent when my beautiful daughter would come into the world.
Then we got home and I honestly do not know what happened. The idea of keeping a child clean as well as yourself seems to go out the sodding window. Hours seem to slip through your fingers and time evaporates quicker than quick sand. When she’s asleep I try and get sleep but sleep is rare. The hours that you get here and there send you into a deep power nap where dreams barely exist and you either wake up motivated for the day or more exhausted than before. When your partner is at home for the first week or so, treasure all those moments showering, brushing your hair, putting body moisturiser on, applying face cream or shaving your legs because once they’re gone back to work, all that flies out the window.
In less than 2 weeks I’ve managed to shower 3 times when Emily has been asleep. 3 times! Other times I have to arrange a time slot for when Sam gets in from work that I can have 10 minutes to myself to blast the smells of baby sick and poo off me, that I can wash the birds nest that’s been sitting unwashed on top of my head for the past week and shave my pits before I turn into a woman worthy only of a commune. I was at the doctors the other day and clocked myself in the mirror, I looked like shit and hadn’t realised I had walked around town, in front of people like that. I had managed to get dressed, thankfully everything matched but my hair looked atrocious and my face pale from lack of sleep.
I have days where I haven’t even managed to get dressed beyond my PJs and days where I get as far as a t-shirt, one sock on and nail varnish only gracing one hand. It’s amazing how little time you have to focus on yourself no matter how much you try and convince yourself you’ll make time. You barely have time to eat let alone look in the mirror.
Thankfully I’ve never been one to slap mountains of make up on my face so not having the opportunity to do so now makes no difference. One day I’ll be able to put foundation on when I get the chance, but for now the seaside’s fresh air keeps me looking half decent for the time being and I suppose I cant complain. In the meantime, I know I’m doing a great job as a mother and that’s more important than looking good any day.