So the official countdown of 1 month started on Saturday, till the predicted due date of Missy’s expected arrival and nerves are indeed starting to kick in. Whilst family and friends start estimating her arrival – early or late- I’m starting to have every thought played out like an intense soap opera in my head throughout the day and even worse at night. Whilst this is the final stretch there are a few things that are playing havoc with my mind:
- The labour
- Life with no bump
- Life with a baby
- Have I bought enough nappies?
- Am I really ready?
I know everyone experiences a different labour but even with the horror stories or the promise that I’ll likely forget about everything the moment I see her little face, I’m still incredibly worried about it. Some people have been super vocal about their labour experiences in recent months which I’ve shrugged off but now that the date is nearing, the idea of a natural birth is scaring the crap out of me.
- Will it be painful?
- How long will I be in labour for?
- Will an epidural work?
- What if there are complications?
- What if I gain Tokophobia (extreme fear of giving birth)?
- Will I make it to the hospital in time?
- Will I stick to my birth plan?
- What if Sam can’t get to me on time?
All these questions have a reality attached to them but until I experience it personally, the above questions answered by friends or family is pointless until I go through it.
Life with no bump
As crazy as it sounds, I think I really am going to miss my bump. She’s been such an active little lady in there that once she’s out not feeling her little legs stretch out or her bum wiggle at the many moments throughout the day is going to be a bit of a reality shock. I’ve spent the past 4 months talking to her as if she’s here, having conversations about what we’re going to have for dinner or if she could please just reserve the manic kicking for 4pm rather than 4am or that her daddy is silly for thinking she’ll understand any part of of his football ramblings at midnight after he’s got home from a game. I think Sam will miss talking to my bump too. It will be strange, for sure.
Life with a baby
What will life with a baby be life? I’ll finally be a mummy. The countdown will be over, the past 9 months growing and keeping my little cherub safe starting to become a distant memory, as she lies before me stretching her little legs and crying out to be fed. It’s a scary thought now that the end of this journey is nearing. We’ll be proper adults, looking after someone else that’s not just us, a mini person. We’ll feed her, clothe her, keep her warm and safe, carry her until she can crawl, stumble and walk, till she goes to nursery, to school, to college or university, to the moment she leaves home, experiences the world, enjoys life and starts a family herself.
Have I bought enough nappies?
The question really is, have I bought enough anything? Nappies, babygro’s, wipes, cotton wool, outfits etc. I think I have enough. My mum, my friend, my colleagues say I do, but is it really enough, like are you sure?!
Am I really ready?
I suppose it’s the question a lot of soon-to-be parents ask themselves. Are they ready? But when are we ever ready for something or anything? We’ve had 9 months preparing for her arrival and now we’re starting to freak out about it? That’s crazy, it’s madness.
So whilst I have moments of intense panic, with this cold still plaguing my body, insomnia draining my every existence and counting down the days to go until she is due to arrive, I’ll enjoy the last few weeks of not seeing her until her arrival, until I see her face.
I really can’t wait.